Why Newt Gingrich can’t beat President Obama.

A couple days ago I wrote an article giving four major reasons why I believed Romney couldn’t beat Obama.  Well, now that Gingrich has emerged as a formidable obstacle in Romney’s pursuit of the lukewarm nomination, I think I should probably write a similar article about Gingrich.

All right, let’s start with a picture of Gingrich—

Wait, no… That’s Gothmog, the Chief Orc at the battle for Pelennor Fields in Return of the King.  Let me get a picture of Gingrich.

Ok, there we g— Wait a minute.  That’s Gothmog again.  Wait…  Shit, I’m confused.  Anyway..

REASON NUMBER 1 NEWT GINGRICH CAN’T BEAT BARACK OBAMA:

He’s Newt FUCKING Gingrich.

All right.  That ought to do it.  Until next time!